Myth Commentaries/2013911/8 (2014/01/31-21.30.25) (cite/perseus/mythcomm.10.1)  Vote Reject - jljkjkjkjk September 11, 2013 16:06
Myth Commentaries/2013911/8 (2014/01/31-21.30.25) (cite/perseus/mythcomm.10.1)  Vote Accept - much better%21 September 11, 2013 16:11
Myth Commentaries/2013920/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.22.1)  Vote Reject - .5 Credit. You present very interesting ideas that show you have thought about the myth. If would be important to eliminate background information %28telling the myth%2C who is Ovid%2C etc.%29 and more importantly%2C you present 3 main theses%3B water%2C place of mortals in the world%2C mortal inferiority with respect to the gods. I would recommend that you re-categorize the essay on one of these ideas.%0D%0A%0D%0AIn-text edits are in bold. October 07, 2013 20:46
Myth Commentaries/2013924/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.9.1)  Vote Reject - .5 credit. Overall%2C a very interesting essay. I would recommend re-centering the point on Iphigenia and integrating the question of the Biblical comparison into it. With Iphigenia%2C you lead the reader into different directions by giving an alternate version without interpretation. Focus on one issue%2C then%2C discuss the alternative versions of that particular issue%2C then give an interpretation of the alternatives%2C then the biblical comparison. In text edits are in bold. October 07, 2013 20:53
Myth Commentaries/2013925/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.10.1)  Vote Reject - 0 credit. This essay has the seeds of good development%2C but lacks unity and lacks a thesis. The beginning is good%2C I was hoping you would carry it through. The author is happy for the ordering of the universe%2C so keep going with this%2C make it your thesis. How ordered is the universe in this particular text%3F How does Ovid make that point%3F The middle and end of the essay are interesting%2C but get too far away from the original topic. Make sure you keep on the subject%2C analyze the text%21 In text edits are in bold. October 07, 2013 20:59
Myth Commentaries/2013927/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.8.1)  Vote Reject - .5 Credit. This essay is a bit unfocused. Since your commentary is for the Ovid Book 1.452-525%2C please focus only on this myth and do not discuss the water jug%2C although I am sure it is quite interesting. You seem to not have a cohesive argument for your analysis%2C but are analyzing many disjointed points. In addition%2C there are some errors%2C as Athena is not Apollo%27s twin%2C and I believe you are thinking of Artemis. Such a mistake weakens your overall understanding of the text. Please rewrite this essay%2C as you have a great deal of knowledge about the topic%2C and you have the beginnings of scholarly analysis%2C but you just need to organize it better and correct your mistakes. October 08, 2013 01:19
Myth Commentaries/2013106/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.15.1)  Vote Reject - .5 This essay is a very good start to a scholarly analysis. Your main issue is that you tend to summarize%2C when you need to analyze. The beginning of your essay also lacks the introduction of a clear argument%2C but rather summarizes the overall comedy. At the end of your essay%2C when you discuss entertainment vs. instruction%2C you are making an excellent point%2C which I would recommend as your thesis. Try to re-write%2C focusing on the end of your essay%2C when your analysis begins to shine through. October 08, 2013 01:28
Myth Commentaries/2013101/9 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.23.1)  Vote Accept - 1.0 Credit. Excellent work%21 Your understanding of both texts is quite strong%2C and you have a clear thesis in your discussion of the depiction of Dionysus. Your comparative analysis is quite interesting%2C and will certainly make a nice addition to the Perseus Project. Please see one of the TAs for discussion of final mechanical edits%2C before publication. October 10, 2013 13:46
Myth Commentaries/2013108/3 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.20.1)  Vote Reject - .5 Credit. Your analysis of each artifact is strong%2C but you do not tie all three together with a cohesive thesis. What is your central argument%3F How do these three artifacts either support or refute this argument%3F Remember that this analysis should be organized around a central theme. In addition%2C I am not quite sure about your discussion of women and satyrs. Once women are celebrating Dionysus as maenads%2C they are outside the constraints of Greek society and thus proper etiquette is no longer a contributing factor. Please revise for full credit. October 10, 2013 13:55
Myth Commentaries/2013920/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.22.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This is a much improved version from your first draft%2C however%2C it still needs work before it can be published onto Perseus. Please do not get discouraged%2C this is perfectly normal procedure in the publishing process. While this draft is more focused%2C there is too much summarizing of the myth without enough analysis. Remember that those who will read this essay have already read the myth and do not need to be refreshed on its plot. Focus your essay on only an analysis of the text. In addition%2C your discussion of mortals versus immortals comes rather sporadically in the middle of your essay and is then not discussed again. Is this a second thesis%3F While I appreciate cross textual analysis%2C be sure to focus on a topic more specific to your myth and do not be so general. Please continue to revise. October 10, 2013 14:02
Myth Commentaries/2013108/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.18.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This is a truly excellent start to your analysis on Daphne and Apollo. Your integration of the historical context truly provides a clear and complex argument. While I appreciate your discussion of the Age of Augustus%2C I am going to recommend you do some research on Ovid before you revise this draft. While Ovid did write during the Age of Augustus%2C he was not under his literary patronage and actually managed to anger Augustus to such a degree that he was exiled from the Roman Empire. Your argument%2C therefore%2C does not quite hold true at the end of your essay when you discuss Augustan propaganda. In addition%2C your information on the Julian Laws is accurate%2C but must be the result of outside research%2C which is not cited here. Please cite all external sources in your next draft. Finally%2C the beginning of your essay contains too much summary of the myth and thus detracts from the strength of your argument%2C which comes later when you discuss the Age of Augustus. Please revise this essay for full credit%2C as it would be an excellent addition to the Perseus Project. October 10, 2013 14:13
Myth Commentaries/20131019/2 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.26.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This is an excellent first attempt%2C and you should continue to revise this essay in order to eventually attain publication. Although this is a 500 word essay%2C which needs to be concise%2C your beginning is quite confusing and your thesis is not stated. Perhaps%2C you could introduce your argument and your focus within the Iliad in one-two sentences before you begin your analysis. While your analysis shows potential%2C it is a bit weakened by the lack of textual support %28perhaps you could use very short quotations%2C or refer to specific lines%29 and your discussion of the aegis seems incorrect. The aegis is the head of Medusa%2C which is sometimes placed on Athena%27s breastplate or shield and is often depicted on Zeus%27 armor as well. They do not ever both have the aegis at the same time%2C but share the responsibility of ownership. You also seem to argue that Athena is Zeus%27 equal and that she is his inferior in the same essay%2C which represent two separate arguments that contradict each other. Please revise this essay%2C as it certainly has potential%2C it just needs to be refocused and strengthened. October 24, 2013 02:05
Myth Commentaries/20131016/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.11.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This is an excellent first draft%2C and I encourage you to please revise this essay for full credit%2Fpublication. I believe with some minor edits%2C this essay will be perfect. The beginning is very strong%2C as is your thesis that Dionysus is %22one thing and its contrary.%22 At the end%2C you repeat this statement almost verbatim%2C which you should rewrite%2C as this seems overly redundant in a 500 word essay. In the middle%2Fend of the essay%2C when you begin to discuss the dissension of the crew about what to do with Dionysus%2C you veer away from your strong analysis and start summarizing%2C which weakens your argument and is unnecessary. However%2C this section%2C and your redundancy of your phrasing of your thesis are the only edits%2C which should be made. Overall%2C a very strong start and really excellent work analyzing the text. October 24, 2013 02:18
Myth Commentaries/20131020/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.27.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This is an excellent start to your analysis%2C and I encourage you to revise for full credit%2Fpublication. Your argument is interesting and certainly textually valid%2C and the analysis at the end of your essay shows great potential. Your beginning%2Fmiddle of your essay comes across as more summative than analytical%2C and it would be much strengthened by the textual analysis skills%2C which you used at the end of your essay. Also%2C this is rather picky%2C but although one would normally say one favors %22x over y%2C%22 in a formal essay%2C once should write one favors %22x to y.%22 This incorrect phrasing occurs a few times%2C so you may want to vary your wording to decrease redundancy. Also%2C your intro%2Fthesis seem to be in conflict with your conclusion. Your essay begins with an argument that Athena is the favorite%2C but at the end your argument states that Ares is preferred due to tradition. While all of these statements are valid%2C perhaps you should be more clear about the focus of your argument in the beginning%2C so it is not so surprising when one reads your conclusion. October 24, 2013 02:27
Myth Commentaries/20131019/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.25.1)  Vote Accept - 1.0 credit. This is an excellent essay. Your argument is clear and very well supported by textual analysis. Your use of quotations strengthens your argument%2C and your analysis of word choice is particularly impressive. You clearly have a strong grasp of the Homeric Hymn and a solid understanding of the Greek god Dionysus. Well done%21 October 27, 2013 17:53
Myth Commentaries/20131020/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.27.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. Rowan%2C this is much improved from your last draft%2C but it still needs work before publication. Please use the phrase %22favors Athena to Ares%22 rather than %22favors Athena over Ares%22 to make your writing more professional. At the end of the essay%2C there is another type where you write %22to Ares pleads%22 when I believe you mean %22to Ares%27 pleas.%22 These are minor errors to fix. In addition%2C the beginning of your essay is reading more like a summary%2C whereas the end of your essay is quite rich in analysis. In addition%2C while your three quotations strengthen your argument%2C they are too tightly packed together at the end%2C and the last two do not have enough analysis to justify their need for inclusion. When you rewrite this essay%2C I would recommend cutting some of your summary from the beginning and adding analysis for your thee quotations at the end. Please do not be discouraged%2C you are certainly improving with each draft and I believe your final essay will be beautifully composed. November 02, 2013 18:55
Myth Commentaries/20131016/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.11.1)  Vote Accept - 1.0 credit. This essay has a clear thesis%2C which is supported with carefully crafted analysis. Your discussion of the text demonstrates a strong understanding of Dionysus%27 role in Greek religion and culture. Overall%2C excellent work%21%0D%0A November 02, 2013 19:22
Myth Commentaries/2013111/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.40.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. The first three sentences should be cut. Please provide a one sentence introduction%2C which states your argument instead. While your analysis of the first two artifacts is strong%2C you neglect discussing the third in great detail. In addition%2C you do not have a concrete point of analysis or thesis. Your conclusion %22All in all%2C these three vessels give an excellent background to the foundations of Dionysiac worship and help to explain some of the characteristic elements of Dionysus himself%22 is far too general for such a short analytical paper. Pick one argument%2C which unites all three artifacts%2C and your essay will be much stronger. November 02, 2013 20:13
Myth Commentaries/20131031/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.39.1)  Vote Accept - 1.0 credit. This is an excellent essay. Your thesis is clear and well supported throughout your essay. You focus on analysis%2C rather than summary%2C and your references to the text support your argument. This paper demonstrates a strong understanding of Dionysus and his relationship with the Greek world. Amazing work%21 November 02, 2013 20:28
Myth Commentaries/20131019/2 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.26.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This draft is much improved from your previous draft%2C but it is still not ready for publication. Please do not be discouraged as this essay certainly has a lot of potential. As I said before%2C I think your understanding of the aegis is flawed. It is the head of Medusa%2C who turns men to stone%2C and thus it is a very powerful defense to have on one%27s armor. Athena %22flung%22 the aegis about her shoulders in order to fasten it to herself%2C but it is not heavy for her and its weight does not affect her. It should also not be considered a %22burden%22 as it is quite helpful in battle and an honor to wear. I would reword your final statement as %22still not good enough%22 is actually a colloquialism and should not be used in a formal paragraph. Overall%2C I completely agree with your thesis and I appreciate your discussion of her transition as she changes clothes. However%2C your essay still contains too much summary%2C and can often be redundant in its analytical sections. Try to focus only on the text and make many individual points%2C which all strengthen your central thesis. November 02, 2013 20:43
Myth Commentaries/20131023/4 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.31.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This essay is too short %28359 words%29 when the limit is 500 words. Your introduction is too general and the build up to your thesis takes far too long for such a short essay. While the discussions of epithets are quite compelling%2C please be sure to focus the scope of your essay not on Ares and Athena in general%2C but on their depiction only in Book 5 of the Iliad. In addition%2C you seem to have misunderstood an important aspect of Greek culture. While I understand your modern repulsion at the notion of looting the dead%2C it was actually an integral part of Greek%2FTrojan customs to strip a dead man of his armor%2Fweapons and keep them for himself. This practice was not frowned upon%2C but an accepted aspect of hoplite warfare%2C and was a way for a hero to demonstrate his attainment of honor through battle. If you want more information on this%2C I can provide you with a list of scholarship which explains this concept in more detail. In addition%2C I am confused by your closing statement%2C implying that Athena and Ares are %22metaphors.%22 While there is scholarship which supports the theory that abstract concepts were anthropomorphized in oral culture%2C for the sake of this essay%2C I would not assume that the Greeks at this time believed that the gods are %22metaphors%22 but instead are real deities who could fight among them. While you can argue that their relationships to Zeus and to each other demonstrate qualities of Greek life and culture%2C to argue that the gods themselves are metaphors is quite a stretch. Again%2C if you want to shift the focus of your paper and argue this point%2C I can provide you with some contemporary scholarship on this notion%2C but I am not sure it is worth your time for the sake of this assignment. Overall%2C revise this essay by shortening your summary sections and extending your analysis%2C specifically focused only on Book 5. Please see me if you have any additional questions. November 02, 2013 21:11
Myth Commentaries/20131021/3 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.31.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. %22Phoebus%22 is an epithet to Apollo%2C so you can just call him Apollo. Your introductory sentence is too general%2C what exactly does this relationship tell us%3F Your wording that Cupid %22brings upon%22 the fate of Daphne is confusing%2C please revise. The infinitive phase %22to demonstrate power within their realms%22 seems to be dangling and has no main verb to be the subject%2Fdirect object. Your analysis of Cupid%2C Apollo and Daphne are all correct but your thesis is confusing in the way you tie all three of their identities into one argument. In addition%2C your argument is the strongest at the end%2C when you begin to introduce specific vocabulary words which are chosen by Ovid to illustrate certain points. Please revise this essay%2C as it has clear potential towards the end%2C by analyzing the text more closely and by establishing a more clear thesis. November 02, 2013 21:22
Myth Commentaries/20131030/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.38.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This is a strong start%2C and you should certainly revise it for full credit%2C as this essay shows great potential. Your analysis of Apollo%2C Cupid and Daphne are all strong%2C especially when you refer to specific quotations in the text to support your argument. Your essay is a bit short however%2C as it is only 381 words%2C and I would like to see you expand more on the relationship between Daphne and Apollo. In addition%2C your thesis is confused%2C as in the beginning you argue that you will only focus on Apollo%2C but in the end your essay is really about all three characters. Revise by expanding your analysis and by revising your thesis to better represent your argument. Also%2C feel free to call Apollo by his name%2C not his epithet. November 02, 2013 21:28
Myth Commentaries/20131018/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.24.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 Credit. This is an excellent start and should be revised for full credit. Your use of quotations strengthens your argument and your analysis of Ares and Athena demonstrates a strong understanding of Greek gods%2Fgoddesses. This is not yet ready for publication%2C however%2C because it is rather disorganized. You do not have a clear thesis%2C as your argument begins with Ares as a strong force in battle and then evolves to analyze him as a weak god in battle. Also the end of your essay begins to become too summative%2C and should be supplemented by analysis. Overall%2C a very good first try. November 17, 2013 19:16
Myth Commentaries/20131030/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.38.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. Your first sentence%2C your thesis%2C is worded confusingly%2C please edit. Your argument%2C however%2C is excellent. You might also want to include in your thesis your logical conclusion about APollo%27s role in this story. The statement%2C %22part of being a mature man is choosing a wife and making love%22 is confusing. You need to specify the context in which this is important. The sentence %22The ending of the tale provides a way out for both characters.%22 is weak and uses colloquialisms. Aside from these mechanical issues%2C this essay is excellent and has a very clear and yet complex argument. Your use of textual support also strengthens your claims. Please fix these errors and re-sumit this essay for full credit and publication. November 17, 2013 21:37
Myth Commentaries/2013116/2 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.46.1)  Vote Reject - 0 credit. This essay is only 164 words%2C which is much less than the 500 word limit. It seems%2C however%2C that this may be a technological error%2C as the last sentence%2C which appears on my screen is %22Another version of Argonautica was written in the first century AD by Gaius Valerius Flaccus.%22 which does not seem like a logical conclusion. I will record this as a 0 credit first attempt%2C but understand that you may resubmit for more credit%2C if you want to add to this essay or if this is not the full version you meant to submit. November 17, 2013 21:42
Myth Commentaries/20131117/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.68.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. There are some comprehension issues inherent in this essay. First%2C Ovid is a Roman author%2C writing during the Age of Augustus %28early Imperial Rome%29%2C and thus your discussion of Greek culture is misplaced%2C as we are actually focusing here on Roman culture. In addition%2C I think you should assume Daphne%2C although from a semi-divine father%2C is taking on the role of a Roman woman and not so much of the aggressive nymphs we studied in class. Thus%2C your argument about balance is a bit flawed. %0D%0A%0D%0AI do think your analysis of Apollo is correct%2C and your discussion of Daphne and Artemis is interesting. Emphasize these elements of your paper%2C correct the historical inaccuracies%2C and reorganize it with a more cohesive argument. There is a lot of good analysis here%2C so please revise for the opportunity for full credit. %0D%0A%0D%0AThe sentence %22Attractive young men have disappeared are believed to have been stolen away by the nymphs.%22 needs to be modified to %22young men%2C who have disappeared.%22%0D%0A%0D%0AThe sentences %22As a Korous%2C Apollo can%E2%80%99t get married. He thought of as the ideal male youth.%22 is incorrect english and would be stronger if combined into two sentences. November 17, 2013 21:53
Myth Commentaries/2013116/3 (2013/12/02-20.14.35) (cite/perseus/mythcomm.47.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. Your thesis is unclear until the end of your paper%2C but your last three sentences are strong. These sentences should be moved to the beginning of your essay and used as your central argument. Also%2C you should use some textual support to strengthen your argument. Be very careful not to be too summative%2C and focus solely on analysis. Finally%2C make sure you are specific enough on the aspect of Dionysus%27 strength%2C which you want to discuss%2C rather than his strength in its entirety.%0D%0A%0D%0AThe sentence%3A %22Obviously the most noted characteristic when speaking of Dionysus is that he is the God of Wine and%2C as expected%2C this characteristic is illuminated in order to give the reader a sense of his almighty power%22 needs to be revised. English sentences are very awkward when you switch subjects too much%2C and also %22obviously%22 is a bit colloquial for a formal paper. November 17, 2013 22:00
Myth Commentaries/20131019/2 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.26.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This is a great draft%2C but it is still not ready for publication. Please do not get discouraged%21 You are showing a great deal of progress and it seems as though that after one more revision%2C this essay will be complete. Your opening analysis is by far your strongest section. The discussion of Athena shedding her feminine identity is well supported and your textual analysis is very advanced. I know I have mentioned this to you before%2C but I really must repeat myself that you need to just eliminate the sentence %22 Bearing something on one%E2%80%99s shoulder is a symbol of bearing its full weight%2C and therefore a testament to one%E2%80%99s strength.%22 It does not make sense in our understanding of Greek culture%2C as the gods had endless strength and while bearing the aegis is a symbol of power%2C the act of physically holding it up would not be impressive to the Greeks as Perseus was able to do it as a mortal. There is also a nuance of the Greek language%2C which you are missing%2C as this sentence really only discusses the act of putting on clothes%2C and not of a great physical feat. However%2C your discussion of the aegis as a symbol of strength in battle and as a connection to Zeus%2C is solid. In addition%2C the ending of your essay is a bit redundant and is not backed by text%2C and thus comes across as a bit summative. Use your strong analyzation skills from your opening sections to strengthen your conclusion. Overall%2C there is much improvement here%21 Good work%21 November 17, 2013 22:25
Myth Commentaries/2013104/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.14.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This is a great draft%2C but there still needs to be some corrections made before it can be published. This essay should primarily be focused on Ovid%27s Metamorphoses%2C and Hesiod should thus only be used as a supplement. The discussion of the bible%2C in this essay%2C is unnecessary and should be eliminated%2C as it only adds confusion here. To focus on the entirety of both works in a 500 word essay is too great a feat for such a short writing sample. Your argument will be strengthened by a more narrow focus%2C and I would recommend shifting your argument from comparing and contrasting the texts in general%2C to discussing why this contrast exists and focusing on only the aspect of the %22creator%22 to further narrow your focus. Remember%2C Ovid and Hesiod are writing at very different times and in very different contexts%2C which could alter their writing and their beliefs. Also%2C the ending of your essay becomes redundant and summative. Try to focus only on analysis in your discussion of the texts. November 17, 2013 22:43
Myth Commentaries/20131020/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.27.1)  Vote Accept - 1.0 credit. Excellent work%21 Your argument is clear and well articulated. Your thesis is well supported with text%2C and this text is well analyzed. I am very impressed with your progress on this essay%2C as you have shown true growth as a student of the Classics%21 November 17, 2013 22:50
Myth Commentaries/20131114/2 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.65.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. The particular myth%2C which you are analyzing%2C is from Ovid%27s Metamorphoses%2C which was written by a Roman author during the Age of Augustus %28Early Imperial Rome%29. Be careful not to confuse Roman depictions of mythology with Greek depictions. %22Echo%22 is her name%2C so it should be consistently capitalized. While your thesis and discussion of themis is quite strong%2C your essay loses focus when you begin to discuss many other examples from Greek and Roman mythology. Remember%2C this analysis is supposed to be focused on Ovid%27s text%2C and while discussing other texts can be helpful%2C it can also be distracting from your main argument. Please analyze specific examples from Ovid alone which support your thesis%2C and then potentially bring in one other text %28of similar time period and of Roman author%29 to support%2Frefute this claim. Although you clearly have a strong understanding of mythology%2C your citation of multiple myths ends up distracting the reader from your overall focus. November 17, 2013 23:03
Myth Commentaries/20131114/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.64.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 This is a great first start%2C but revisions need to be made before publication. While your focus on the conflict between Apollo and Eros is quite interesting%2C the term %22hubris%22 needs to be eliminated from the discussion%2C as this is a primarily mortal flaw. In addition%2C your discussion of these two gods is not supported by textual evidence%2C which I would strongly encourage you to add into your essay to strengthen your claims. Your comparison of the battle between Apollo and Eros as a parallel struggle to mortals vs. gods is flawed%2C as those struggles are profoundly different%2C and thus I would not include them in your next draft. However%2C your analysis of the difference between the two gods is both accurate and compelling%2C and could form an excellent essay if it were better supported. November 17, 2013 23:10
Myth Commentaries/20131111/5 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.57.1)  Vote Accept - 1.0 Credit. Excellent work. Your thesis is strong and well supported by multiple primary sources. Your analysis is consistently strong and well articulated. Your argument is consistent but yet lacks redundancy. November 17, 2013 23:50
Myth Commentaries/2013111/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.40.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This is much improved from your last draft%2C but it still needs work before publication. Please do not be discouraged%2C as you have good analysis here and a true insight into Greek worship of Dionysus. %0D%0AStructurally%2C your biggest issue is that you have 2 theses%3A 1%29 the untamed and unstructured nature of Dionysus - which you begin and end your essay with%3B but also%2C 2%29 Dionysus is the god of opposites. While your discussion of Dionysus%27 duality is both accurate and a strong analysis%2C it seems misplaced in your essay and as a second thesis. Try to revise this to make your essay more cohesive. Also I have a few in-text edits below.%0D%0A%0D%0ASpecific in-text revisions%3A%0D%0A%0D%0A%22A main quality of Dionysiac worship was the idea of leaving the realm of the acceptable and %28becoming something and someone totally different - reword this%29. This %28use better pronoun%29 is why Dionysus was worshipped outside the city and mostly by women.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22The other images on this kylix also provide evidence about the worship and cult of Dionysus. The grapevines%2C satyrs%2C and thyrsus are all characteristics of the cult of Dionysus.%22 - expand on this%2C why are these characteristics%3F%0D%0A%0D%0A%0D%0A%22The second kylix%2C like the first%2C depicts dancing maenads and satyrs%2C which were caught up in the rapture of worshipping Dionysus.%22 - make these edits please%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Also interesting about the depiction of these two characters is the connection to the wildness of both.%22 - confusing%2C please reword %0D%0A November 18, 2013 01:08
Myth Commentaries/20131011/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.21.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 Credit. Your introductory sentence should acknowledge the particular work%2C which you are analyzing%2C and also the situation in which Ares and Aphrodite are suffering. Overall%2C your argument is very interesting and compelling. My greatest concern is that you seem to be discussing the Odyssey in its entirety%2C whereas your analysis should only focus on these 40 lines. You also seem to be lacking a central argument%2C as you begin your essay with a contrast of the reactions of Ares and Aphrodite%2C but then discuss Ares%2C and his inherent nature%2C in contrast to Athena and Odysseus. While all of your ideas are quite interesting%2C they need to be contextualized with this specific passage%2C and they need more textual support. November 18, 2013 01:16
Myth Commentaries/20131021/3 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.31.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This is much improved from your last draft and demonstrates excellent analytical skills. Your thesis is clear and your argument is well supported. Overall%2C this essay demonstrates an excellent analysis of Ovid%27s myth. Please make the in-text edits%2C listed below%2C and then resubmit for full-credit and publication.%0D%0A%0D%0AIn-Text Edits%3A%0D%0A%0D%0APlease identify the myth%2Fauthor in your first sentence%2C rather than stating%2C %22in this myth.%22 %0D%0A%0D%0A%22the unfulfilled relationship between Apollo and Daphne demonstrates the inherent untamable nature of adolescence in the Greek consciousness%22 - make these edits%2C or revise the first sentence to be more clear%0D%0A%22out of reach%22 - colloquialism%2C revise%0D%0A%22An important representation of Apollo in accordance with his deity of youthful boys is his failure to attain Daphne%E2%80%99s love.%22 - this is confusing%2C Apollo IS the deity of youthful boys - to whom are you saying he correspond%0D%0A%22This dictates an understanding of Greek adolescence as a period marked by wild and unrestrained actions%2C which would be acceptable in their society until marriage.%22 - make these edits%2C or revise this sentence to be more clear%0D%0A%0D%0A November 18, 2013 01:26
Myth Commentaries/2013117/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.49.1)  Vote Accept - 1.0 credit. This essay shows clear analysis and progression of ideas. Your argument is well supplemented with textual support. Overall%2C excellent understanding of the role of the gods in Greek society. November 18, 2013 01:45
Myth Commentaries/20131021/3 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.31.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. All of the ideas are here. There are still some problems with mechanics. Please see below.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22An important representation of Apollo that exemplifies his deity of youthful boys is his failure to attain Daphne%E2%80%99s love%22 - this sentence still needs to be revised. Apollo is the deity. The way you have worded this sentence makes it seem as though Apollo is worshipping a second divinity of young men%2C which is not true nor is it the idea you are trying to express.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Daphne is represented in a virtuous light that reflects her virgin innocence while Apollo acts like a wild predator%2C in this case a quality attributed to young men.%22 - subject change here is confusing.%0D%0A%0D%0A %22The contrast between their two roles and Apollo%E2%80%99s portrayal in a carnal manner indicates the strength of his feelings as well as the wanton manner in which he chases her.%22 - sentence is confusing%2C maybe split it into two separate ideas%2Fsentences%3F I don%27t think the %22wanton manner in %28change to with%29 which he chases her%22 is an indication of the subjects of this sentence. %0D%0A%0D%0A%22Daphne belongs to the open influences of nature and the chase through the woods is indicative of the land of which unmarried girls belong%2C unable to be tamed by a husband.%22 - subject change here is confusing %0D%0A%0D%0A%0D%0A November 18, 2013 20:56
Myth Commentaries/2013111/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.40.1)  Vote Accept - 1.0 credit. Excellent improvement from last draft. Your argument is clear and consistent and your analysis of each vase is solid. Good work%21 November 18, 2013 20:59
Myth Commentaries/20131114/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.64.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. Your first sentence can be eliminated%2C it is not important. Your second sentence needs to be revised%2C as it is your thesis and must be clearer. The idea of balance might not be a good path to go down%2C I would recommend focusing on the triumph of emotional power over physical power instead%2C as Eros clearly wins this fight. After this sentence%2C your essay is very strong%2C but could be further strengthened by textual support. Add some direct quotations to supplement your argument. Once you begin to discuss Ares and Aphrodite%2C you lose focus. Just as I wrote in my last critique%2C Ovid is writing in Imperial Rome about Roman life and culture%2C not Greek. This is a consistent error in your paper%2C which needs to be remedied. When you begin to discuss Homeric literature%2C I believe you are losing focus from your excellent argument at the beginning of your essay. This essay should analyze Ovid%27s Metamorphoses%2C not Homer%2C and so I would recommend only discussing the Ovid text in this essay%2C as your discussion of Homer is not relevant%2C although it is quite interesting. November 18, 2013 21:09
Myth Commentaries/2013924/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.9.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. Your first sentence should better introduce the myth%2C which you are analyzing. Your thesis is unclear until the end of your essay%2C please state it right away. The rest of your essay is quite strong%2C until the very end%2C when you demonstrate some conceptual errors.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Artemis has no qualms about taking a child from her parents%2C or holding up an entire fleet of ships%2C solely because she has been denied what she views as rightfully hers.%22 - The Greeks agree that she was wronged%2C you are imposing your modern judgment on Greek culture%2C which is very hard to avoid%2C I understand%2C but shouldn%27t be part of your analysis.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22The goddess metes out justice as she sees fit. %22 - could you change this verb%3F%0D%0A%0D%0A%22but the Greeks believed that good fortune was unpredictable%2C because the gods were unpredictable in their whims%2C and thus their justice was often cruel.%22 - again there is a conceptual error here. The Greeks believed in Themis%2C divine law%2C and in this instance themis was disrupted and Artemis sought %28in the Greek consciousness%29 just revenge. Perhaps your thesis could be the discussion of the gods action versus inaction%3F The idea that the Greek gods are chaotic%2C unfortunately%2C does not work here. You could discuss the issue of fair versus unfair punishment%3F November 18, 2013 21:24
Myth Commentaries/20131021/3 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.31.1)  Vote Accept - 1.0 credit. Excellent work%21 Thank you for taking all of the critiques seriously and producing a wonderful piece of analysis. This essay has a strong argument%2C is well supported%2C and beautifully written. Really amazing progress%21 We are proud to publish this essay. November 18, 2013 21:27
Myth Commentaries/2013924/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.9.1)  Vote Accept - 1.0 Credit. Excellent work%21 Thank you for working through all your drafts. You have shown great improvement and we are now happy to publish your paper. You have a strong argument%2C which is well supported%2C and you have provided a accurate and strong analysis. November 20, 2013 15:35
Myth Commentaries/20131023/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.28.1)  Vote Accept - 1.0 credit. Excellent work. This is a strong argument%2C which is well supported. Your comparative study between Greek and Christian ideology is interesting and accurate. November 20, 2013 17:54
Myth Commentaries/2013102/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.1.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This is an excellent draft. All of your ideas are appropriate and well supported and you have a clear thesis. However%2C there are some issues with mechanics and unexplored concepts%2C which I have noted below. %0D%0A%0D%0ANeeds a preposition - %22While standing IN%2FON%2FNEAR%2F the %E2%80%9Cfruitless sea%E2%80%9D%2C Dionysus appears to be nothing more than a stranded man%22%0D%0A%0D%0AAWK use of %22perhaps%22%2C sentence is unclear - %22However%2C when he is among the deck of the black ship the helmsman and crew realize that he is god-like%2C perhaps Zeus%2C Apollo or Hades%22%0D%0A%0D%0ARedundancy of %22god of everything and its contrary%22 - cut these phrases after your first few sentences%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Dionysus is the son of Zeus and Semele%22 - this is not proved by your essay%2C either eliminate or expand on this concept%0D%0A%0D%0A %22This%2C however%2C is contrasting to Dionysus%E2%80%99 connection with nature because he is a god of fertility so his presence on a barren sea is problematic. %22 - This is contrary to your thesis and is not helpful to your argument%2C either eliminate or expand on %0D%0A November 30, 2013 23:20
Myth Commentaries/2013116/3 (2013/12/02-20.14.35) (cite/perseus/mythcomm.47.1)  Vote Accept - 1.0 credit. Excellent work. Your thesis is clear and concise%2C your argument is well supported%2C and your essay is well written. Excellent work%21 November 30, 2013 23:23
Myth Commentaries/2013106/3 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.17.1)  Vote Accept - 1.0 credit. Excellent work. Strong thesis%2C good incorporation of other authorship. December 01, 2013 19:03
Myth Commentaries/20131124/5 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.82.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. Very good first start. The beginning and ending of this essay is repetitive and far too general. While everything you state is correct%2C you need to refer to the three artifacts more to support your argument. Please examine the artwork more closely and use it as evidence to support your thesis. December 01, 2013 19:06
Myth Commentaries/20131011/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.21.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This is much improved from your last version%2C but you still have 2 different theses and 2 different arguments. Your essay was very strong until you brought in Athena%2C which is just too broad of a connection to the work. I would eliminate this section and expand on your argument of Ares vs. Aphrodite%2C which is most compelling. Also%2C there are some issues with mechanics%2C which I noted below. %0D%0A%0D%0A%22being captured%22 is awkward - just say %22capture%22%0D%0A%0D%0Awhen you quote homer you need to write the book number and line number%0D%0A%0D%0A%22make points of how they think%22 - just say %22they discuss%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Indeed%2C she seemingly%2C she faces no repercussions.%22 - you don%27t need to repeat she%0D%0A%0D%0A%22a response this is than that which%22 - overly verbose%2C simplify%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Where Athena is the brain of war%22 - where doesn%27t work here%0D%0A%0D%0A December 01, 2013 19:13
Myth Commentaries/20131121/6 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.76.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. You essay is too summative and not analytical enough. Please provide a close reading of the text and provide support for your assertions. Also%2C your thesis is a bit hidden at the end of your essay and should be stated right away. In addition%2C there are some problems with mechanics%2C please see below.%0D%0A%0D%0AFirst 3 sentences are too general and overall confusing. I would eliminate them. %0D%0A%0D%0ASpecific the Book and line numbers to which you refer.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Due to wrongly sleeping in the bed of%22 - awkward wording%2C and a bit misleading%2C this is an extramarital affair%0D%0A%0D%0A%22considering that he is%22 - change to %22as%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22cant%22 - typo%0D%0A%0D%0A%22feel as though they are the ones doing the trickery%22 - too verbose%2C simplify %0D%0A%0D%0A%22This point is hammered deep into the reader%E2%80%99s mind considering that the two who end up getting embarrassed%2C earn punishment of being bonded and ridicule by being laughed at by their peers once the Gods answer the calling of Hephaestus.%22 However%2C the story%E2%80%99s closing with the idea that forgiveness is a necessary part of moving on is key in getting the full point of the stories purpose across to the reader.- awk subject changes%2C please revise %0D%0A%0D%0A%0D%0A December 01, 2013 19:21
Myth Commentaries/20131127/2 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.96.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This is essay is very strong and is very close to publication. Your main task is to fix the ending. The end is a bit choppy and you seem to bring up a lot of new points that you do not support. Please use the beginning of your essay as a model and revise the ending to make it more smooth. Your last sentence%2C for instance%2C I would eliminate because it is introducing an entirely new idea%2C which does not necessarily support your thesis%2C but actually introduces a second thesis. In addition%2C go through your essay slowly and try to eliminate any awkward spacing between punctuations. In addition%2C please cite the book and line numbers for your quotations and when discussing %22vine%22 please provide an article for clarity in English. Otherwise%2C excellent work%21 December 01, 2013 19:26
Myth Commentaries/20131126/3 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.94.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This essay is too summative and not analytical enough. Please provide a close analysis of the text and use textual support to justify your arguments. In addition%2C your thesis is unclear until the end of your essay%2C which makes the beginning of your essay appear weak. Establish a clear and definitive thesis from the very beginning. Your first sentence%2C for instance%2C can be eliminated as it is too general. However%2C all of your ideas are correct and your analysis of Dionysus%27 characteristics are accurate. Please revise.%0D%0A%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Throughout the hymn to Dionysus%2C Homer uses various pieces of evidence to illustrate Dionysus%E2%80%99 main attributes%22 - make alterations%0D%0A%0D%0A December 01, 2013 19:32
Myth Commentaries/20131127/3 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.97.1)  Vote Accept - 1.0 credit. Excellent work. Solid understanding of the Underworld and a well written analysis of the artwork. December 01, 2013 19:36
Myth Commentaries/20131127/8 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.102.1)  Vote Accept - 1.0 credit. Excellent thesis%2C well supported and well written. Great job%21%0D%0A December 01, 2013 19:40
Myth Commentaries/20131129/2 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.104.1)  Vote Accept - 1.0 credit. Excellent work%21 You successfully unified all three artifacts with one central argument%2C which was well supported and demonstrates an excellent understanding of Dionysus. December 01, 2013 19:48
Myth Commentaries/20131111/4 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.56.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit While your understanding of the Underworld is quite strong and your analysis is generally on point%2C be sure to unify your essay with a central thesis. You seem to be mostly describing the vase without a central thesis until the end%2C where you offer up an argument. Introduce this argument at the beginning of your essay and be sure to refer back to it throughout your work. December 04, 2013 21:26
Myth Commentaries/20131129/5 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.107.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This essay is far too short %28220 words%2F500%29 and you need to expand on your analysis of Thetis. It is also lacking a central argument%2C although you do introduce some interesting analysis at the end. While your understanding of Dionysus is strong%2C the connection to your paper is quite weak%2C and your essay would be much stronger if you only focused on Thetis. December 04, 2013 21:30
Myth Commentaries/20131129/3 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.105.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. You have a clear argument%2C which you reference throughout the essay%2C but you need to incorporate the text more into your analysis. Try to bring in actual quotes from the text to support your assertions%2C and provide more analysis on the specific instances%2C to which you reference. Also%2C please see individual comments below.%0D%0A-please expand on your reference to the rebuke of Telemon%0D%0A%0D%0A-expand on Jason%27s sadness when he leaves Heracles behind%0D%0A%0D%0A-discuss of Hylas is rushed and thus unclear %0D%0A%0D%0A-%22hand in hand%22 is colloquial expression%2C not proper English%0D%0A December 04, 2013 21:36
Myth Commentaries/20131127/7 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.101.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This essay is far too short %28290 words%2F500%29 and it lacks a central argument. While I agree with your comparison%2Fcontrast to Hesiod%2C there is no specified reason as to why you are making these connections%2C and therefore this essay seems rather unfocused. Create a central argument and really expand on your analysis of the text%2C potentially bringing in quotations to further illuminate your analysis. December 04, 2013 21:52
Myth Commentaries/20131130/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.110.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. Your first sentence needs to be a much stronger assertion. %22In the myth that we know %22 is too colloquial - cite Euripides from the beginning. %22while reaming free%22 - typo. While all of your analysis is correct%2C it needs to be reorganized. You do not have a central thesis%2C and thus your discussion of Hera%2FAthena%2FMedea seems un-unified. Please pick one of these women and analyze more closely%2C or unify your discussion of all three under a central argument. Your discussion of the second object was interesting%2C but again%2C I am unsure of how it connects into an overall argument. December 04, 2013 22:02
Myth Commentaries/2013108/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.18.1)  Vote Accept - 1.0 credit. Excellent progress%21 Clear thesis%2C well written analysis%2C and much improved discussion of the Age of Augustus. December 04, 2013 22:05
Myth Commentaries/20131011/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.21.1)  Vote Accept - 1.0 credit. Much improved%2C good central argument%2C good use of textual support. December 05, 2013 21:54
Myth Commentaries/20131129/6 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.108.1)  Vote Accept - 1.0 credit. Your textual analysis and support is excellent. Your essay has a clear focus%2C and your inclusion of a second source is helpful. However%2C %22A preposterous idea to the Greek audience for Prodicus was a famous and well-respected philosopher.%22 is a fragment. December 19, 2013 04:23
Myth Commentaries/20131117/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.68.1)  Vote Accept - 1.0 credit. Excellent analysis and great improvement from prior drafts. Your understanding of the myth is solid and your textual support is very helpful December 19, 2013 04:27
Myth Commentaries/2013126/25 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.181.1)  Vote Accept - 1.0 credit. Your thesis is clear and well supported with the text. You do become quite redundant at times%2C but the strength of your argument shines regardless. December 19, 2013 04:30
Myth Commentaries/2013126/26 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.182.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. Your analysis of the Phaedo is excellent%2C and well supported with the text. However%2C your thesis is a bit weak and thus your overall argument appears a bit general. In addition%2C while cross-cultural religious analysis is interesting%2C your discussion of Egyptian religion does not seem to add to your argument on the Phaedo. Perhaps it would have been more valuable if you had done additional research%2C as I am unsure if ThinkQuest is an appropriate source for this assignment. Overall%2C this is an excellent start%2C but it would need improvement before it could be published. December 19, 2013 04:40
Myth Commentaries/2013121/3 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.115.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This is a bit short%2C as it is only 377%2F500 words. While you have a very clear thesis%2C your argument is very general%2C and does not engage in textual analysis to support it. In addition%2C there are some colloquialisms%2C %22stuck to Themis%2C%22 which is not appropriate for a formal essay. While this is a good start%2C it is not ready for publication. December 19, 2013 04:44
Myth Commentaries/2013126/24 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.180.1)  Vote Accept - 1.0 credit. Excellent thesis%2C which is well supported. Through understanding of the gods. December 19, 2013 15:38
Myth Commentaries/2013126/5 (2013/12/06-04.46.23) (cite/perseus/mythcomm.162.1)  Vote Accept - 1.0 credit. Excellent thesis%2C well supported%2C excellent understanding of Sophocles%27 tragedy. The sentence%2C %22He believes what he wants and needs to believe in order to achieve his ambitious goals for glory%2C wealth and power.%22 is confusing and is potentially a fragment. December 19, 2013 15:43
Myth Commentaries/2013126/7 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.163.1)  Vote Reject - Somehow you submitted this twice%3F I didn%27t know that was possible. You have received full credit for your first submission of this essay. I am only rejecting this submission because I can%27t give you credit twice for the same essay. However%2C please know this essay is very well done. December 19, 2013 15:46
Myth Commentaries/2013121/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.113.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This is much improved from your first draft%2C as your argument is more clear and you have great textual support. However%2C the essay is rather short %28369%2F500 words%29 and could have been expanded on for further clarification. In addition%2C you are still have difficulties with your thesis statement%2C as your first sentence is quite confusing and your thesis seems to be at the end of the essay. Excellent progress%2C but this essay is not ready for publication. December 19, 2013 15:55
Myth Commentaries/2013127/2 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.188.1)  Vote Accept - 1.0 credit. Excellent thesis and textual analysis. Through understanding of the relationship between mortals and immortals. December 19, 2013 16:18
Myth Commentaries/20131129/3 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.105.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This draft is much improved%2C but it is still not ready for publication. While you have added textual support%2C you do not adequately analyze it. In addition%2C your essay is a bit confusing in your discussion of the nymph and it seems a bit redundant in its conclusion. Your understanding of the myth of Jason is excellent%2C as is your analysis of Apollonius. December 19, 2013 16:48
Myth Commentaries/20131121/2 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.72.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This essay is an improvement%2C but it is not ready for publication. Your assertions are often weakened by words such as %22perhaps%22 and thus you should be stronger in your persuasive arguments. You do not seem to have a central thesis%2C and there are some problems with mechanics %28see below%29. However%2C your use of the text is helpful to your discussion and your understanding of Cassandra is solid. %0D%0A%0D%0AWhen discussing a text%2C you may use the present voice.%0D%0A%0D%0AThe sentence%2C %22 According to Cassandra%2C it was the Greeks who lost more for several reasons%2C including their lesser reasoning to fight and the vainness in which Greek lives were lost.%22 - is confusing %0D%0A%22The significance of Euripides including the conclusions and prophesies from Cassandra in this work is to exemplify the theme of undisputed wisdom of the gods%2C permeating any circumstance%22 - confusing use of the infinitive %0D%0A%0D%0A%22What she predicts is always correct%2C asserting the unquestionable knowledge of the divinities.%22 - you should not begin a non question word with a interrogative pronoun December 19, 2013 16:55
Myth Commentaries/20131129/5 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.107.1)  Vote Accept - 1.0 credit. Excellent analysis of the sea and Thetis. Your discussion of multiple sources supported your thesis%2C although I wished you had more textual support for your discussion of the Odyssey. Regardless%2C the strength of your analysis is clear and supports your well-drafted thesis. December 19, 2013 17:00
Myth Commentaries/20131123/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.77.1)  Vote Reject - 0 credit. This essay is far too short 258%2F500 words and thus needs to be expanded upon. While your discussion of the gods is quite interesting%2C you need to focus more on analyzing the specific text. In addition%2C a cross-cultural religious comparison could have been quite interesting%2C but you do not discuss the bible in enough detail to aid your argument. Overall%2C this essay contains too much summarization and lacks a central argument. December 19, 2013 17:04
Myth Commentaries/2013124/10 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.148.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. I like your comparison between the two texts%2C but your discussion of the Homeric Hymn seems rushed and too summative in comparison to your analysis of Euripides. In addition%2C your thesis and central argument are a bit nebulous until the end of your essay%2C which should be used as a conclusion. Your discussion of dolphins is also quite interesting%2C but seems to be misplaced structurally in your organization. Overall%2C a good start%2C but not yet ready for publication. December 19, 2013 17:28
Myth Commentaries/2013124/11 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.149.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This is very well-written%2C but it contains far too much summary. Your reader would have just read this section of the text%2C so you do not have to provide so much context. In addition%2C you need more textual analysis to support your central claim. Your discussion of Deucalion and Pyrra%2C is interesting%2C but also seems tangential. Good start%2C but not yet ready for publication. December 19, 2013 17:32
Myth Commentaries/2013927/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.8.1)  Vote Accept - 1.0 credit. Excellent progress%21 Your essay is much improved from its initial drafts%2C as you now have a strong argument%2C well organized and unified by a central thesis. Well done%21 December 19, 2013 17:39
Myth Commentaries/2013124/8 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.146.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This is an excellent start%2C but it is not yet ready for publication. Overall%2C the essay contains way too much summary and not nearly enough analysis%2C and you do not offer much textual support to strengthen your claims. Your essay is most strong at the end%2C when you begin to better articulate your argument. December 19, 2013 17:44
Myth Commentaries/2013107/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.18.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This essay is much improved from previous drafts%2C but it is not yet ready for publication. You need textual evidence to support your assertions and to shift the focus of your essay from summary to analysis. While you have a clearly defined thesis and strong argument to make%2C you mostly support it with textual summaries%2C which isn%27t strong enough. December 19, 2013 17:49
Myth Commentaries/2013124/4 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.142.1)  Vote Reject - 0 credit. This essay is too short%2C 343%2F500 words%2C and thus demonstrates a lack of analysis. The central thesis is unclear and you do not offer textual evidence to support your analysis. This essay is also too summative and would need a more analytical focus before publication. December 19, 2013 19:44
Myth Commentaries/2013116/2 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.46.1)  Vote Reject - 0 credit. This essay is too short%2C 268%2F500 words%2C and is very repetitive. Your discussion of Ovid and Apollonus of Rhodes are quite interesting but you only make one point. Next time%2C strengthen your assertions by incorporating textual support%2C and then provide textual analysis. In addition%2C this is far too summative%2C and does not provide enough analysis. December 19, 2013 19:50
Myth Commentaries/2013123/5 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.133.1)  Vote Reject - 0 credit. This essay is far too short%2C 231%2F500 words. It contains mostly summaries%2C rather than analysis%2C and it has not been properly edited. There is no central argument or textual support. December 19, 2013 19:54
Myth Commentaries/20131121/6 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.76.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This is improved from your last draft%2C but it is not ready for publication. Your thesis and analysis are still most clear at the end of your essay%2C and while you have included additional textual support%2C it is not properly analyzed. Next time%2C focus on analysis more than on summary. December 19, 2013 19:59
Myth Commentaries/2013126/30 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.186.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This essay needs to be properly edited%2C as there are multiple careless mistakes. In addition%2C your thesis is not clear until the end and thus your essay can seem to be a bit unfocused. Your textual support is appreciated%2C but needs to be analyzed in more detail. It is a good start%2C but it needs revisions before publication. December 19, 2013 20:17
Myth Commentaries/20131114/2 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.65.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This essay is much improved from its earlier drafts%2C but it still is not ready for publication. Your understanding of the myth is strong%2C but your discussion of other myths becomes distracting. You also need more textual support and analysis to support your claims. The ending of your essay can read a bit repetitively. December 19, 2013 20:22
Myth Commentaries/2013123/6 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.134.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This essay has a strong thesis and a solid understanding of the text. However%2C it delves into too much summary in lieu of analysis and it offers no textual support. While it is a great start%2C it is not ready for publication. December 19, 2013 20:25
Myth Commentaries/20131129/4 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.106.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. The analysis of the artifact is excellent%2C especially in the discussion of time. However%2C the distinction you draw between Thetis and a generic Nereid seems unnecessary%2C and usually it is best to trust the most up to date information about an artifact. In addition%2C your essay is a bit repetitive in the beginning and in the end and needs some editing. December 19, 2013 20:30
Myth Commentaries/20131124/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.78.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This essay is a bit disorganized and the thesis is too general. While your discussion of fate vs. retribution of misdeeds is interesting%2C you need to have a more analytical focus to your discussion of this passage. Also%2C your writing becomes very repetitive when you discuss hubris%2Fthemis and it seems as though you often identify instances of committing crimes%2C but without much discussion as to why these wrongdoings are important in the greater context of this epic. Your textual support is helpful in backing up your assertions. December 19, 2013 20:37
Myth Commentaries/20131126/2 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.93.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This is an excellent start%2C but it is not yet ready for publication. The beginning of your essay demonstrates more summary than analysis%2C and you have no textual support%2C from the work you discuss%2C to support your claims. However%2C the ending of your essay is much stronger in your discussion of regeneration and the beetle. Next time%2C use these analytical skills to present a stronger and more cohesive argument. December 19, 2013 20:42
Myth Commentaries/2013126/21 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.177.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. All the points%2C which you discuss%2C are interesting and historically accurate. However%2C you seem to have 3 theses%2C instead of one central argument%2C which makes your essay appear disorganized. Also%2C you do not use textual evidence to support your assertions%2C which weakens your discussion of the text. December 19, 2013 20:47
Myth Commentaries/2013121/6 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.118.1)  Vote Accept - 1.0 credit. Excellent analysis of the three artifacts. Your thesis is clear%2C your argument is well written%2C and your analysis is sound. Great work%21 December 19, 2013 20:51
Myth Commentaries/2013126/8 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.164.1)  Vote Accept - 1.0 credit. Your thesis is strong and well supported with textual analysis. Your essay is well organized and analytical. In the future%2C you should provide line numbers for all quotations%2C and %0D%0A%22hubristic%22 is not a word. December 19, 2013 20:55
Myth Commentaries/20131130/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.110.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This essay brings up some interesting points%2C but it is not yet ready for publication. Your discussion of Euripides is excellent%2C but it would be much strengthened by more references to the text. In addition%2C your discussion of the artifact seems of secondary importance%2C and it is the topic of your analysis. Finally%2C the essay needs editing for mechanics and colloquialisms. December 19, 2013 20:59
Myth Commentaries/2013126/12 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.168.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. This is a good first start%2C but it is not ready for publication. You need a strong thesis that has a more analytical approach to the text. Your current thesis%2C that nymphs represent koure%2C is fairly well understood and is a bit too general. In addition%2C although your knowledge of mythology is certainly strong%2C your multiple external references distract the reader from your sole point of analysis%2C the Argonautica. You need to focus only on analyzing this work%2C and then potentially bring in other authors and texts in order to support your claims. December 19, 2013 21:09
Myth Commentaries/2013114/1 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.42.1)  Vote Accept - 1.0 credit. This is a very interesting comparison of mythological figures%2C especially your discussion of each woman being both a koure and wife. I%27m glad to see all the improvement made in the revision process. Strong thesis%2C strong support and well written. Great job%21 December 19, 2013 21:14
Myth Commentaries/20131125/2 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.85.1)  Vote Accept - 1.0 credit. Strong thesis%2C good use of textual support%2C and well written. Great work%21 December 19, 2013 21:16
Myth Commentaries/20131112/3 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.61.1)  Vote Reject - 0.5 credit. The beginning of your essay contains too much summary%2C and not enough analysis. Your discussion of the bible is interesting%2C but should be supported with textual evidence. In addition%2C your thesis is unclear until the end of your essay. December 19, 2013 21:20
Myth Commentaries/2013122/7 (cite/perseus/mythcomm.125.1)  Vote Accept - 1.0 credit. This essay is fascinating and I really enjoyed your analysis. Strong thesis%2C good use of textual support%2C and innovative approach. Overall%2C excellent work%21 December 19, 2013 21:23

Greek Treebank Collection/2014424/4 (committed)   I have tree banked%2C according to my assignment%2C sentences 254 %E2%80%93 273. Please contact me %28julia.lenzi%40tufts.edu%29%2C if there are any problems. Thank you%21 May 10, 2014 04:33
General Annotation Collection/201535/3 (submitted)   http://timemapper.okfnlabs.org/anon/fiwc2g-perseids-timemapper-thucydides#3 March 05, 2015 15:16

Myth Commentaries/2013911/8 (2014/01/31-21.30.25) (cite/perseus/mythcomm.10.1)   great job September 11, 2013 16:17